Total Funny Jokes

What was he doing

Judge: What was he doing when u arrested him?

Cop: He was arguing with a driver.

Judge: That`s no proof he was drunk.

Cop: There was no driver there.

He has two swimming pools

Santa is so rich. He has two swimming pools.
Banta: Why one is always empty?
Santa: It`s for people who can`t swim.
(Alt: Sometimes you don't feel like taking Bath.)

Smart Answers:
1-Principal: Are u chewing gum?
Student: No i m human being :)
2-Wife: we are having mother for dinner tonight?
Husband: Make sure she is well cooked :p
3-Father:shameful results! Do u always get such low marks?
Son: No, only when i give exams ;)
4-Guest: Will these stairs take me to the 2nd floor?
Boy: No, u'll have to walk as well :)

You will never succeed

Husband: You will never succeed in making that dog obey u.
Wife: Nonsense its only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with u at first

A doctor says to his patient

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.

Batao Kutta Punch Q Hilata Hai

Teacher- Batao Kutta Punch Q Hilata Hai..?
Student- Q k Punch Me Itni Takat Nhi Hoti
K Wo Kutte Ko Hila Sake.

Agar Anna ki shadi ho gai

On a funny side.. Agar Anna ki shadi ho gai hoti to yeh andolan kabhi na hota.
1. kahan ja rahe ho?
2. Akele tumhi ko padi hai anshan mein jane ki??
3. yeh kejariwal ka saath chhodo..!!!
4. woh baal kati wali ladki kaun hai? baar baar bagal mein akar baithti hai

Hamare Dog Football Khelte Hai

USA: Hamare Dog Football Khelte Hai
JAPAN: Hamari Fish Dance Krti Hai
CHINA: Hamare Haathi Cycle Chalate Hai
INDIA: HAMARE GADHE GOVERNMENT CHALATE HAI.

Boys's dialog...

Boys's dialog...
'Bus,Train or Ladki 1 jati h
or dusri aati h.'' huh!
now Gals also hv its ans
''Riksha,Taxi or Ladke,1 ko
bulao 4 aate h..!:-D

3 kinds of Men

There r 3 kinds of Men.
Asian- has Wife & GF but Loves Wife most!
American-has Wife & GF but Loves GF most!
Arabian- 4 Wives & 4 GF but Loves his CAMEL most

tell me the names

Teacher: tell me the names of all the planets..,!!!
Studnt: venus... earth...mars....:-/
Teacher: aur sunao
Studnt: bs bdiya..,ap sunao..

3 Admi Sharab P Kr

‎3 Admi Sharab P Kr Taxi Me Bethe.
Taxi Wale Ne Gari Start Kr K Band Kr Di Or Bola Lo Sahab A Gaye.
1st Ne Thanx B0la 2nd Ne Paise De Diye Aur 3rd Ne Driver K0 Ek Thappar Mara
... Driver K0 Laga K Ye Jaan Gaya.
Tabhi 3rd Sharabi Bola: baiwaqoof Aaj Tu Marwa Hi Deta Itni Taiz Chalata Hai.

Santa 1 story sunao wid moral

Teacher:Santa 1 story sunao wid moral
Santa:ok madam,,
Mei uske ghar gaya vo sow raha tha
Fir vo mere ghar aya toh main sow raha tha
Moral: Jaisi Karni Vaisi Bharn

Check out that drunkard

Wife: Check out that drunkard..

Husband: Who is he? You know him?

Wife: Yea I do!! 10 years ago he proposed me and I rejected him!

Husband: Holy Crap.. He's still celebrating?

indian to pakistani

indian to pakistani:do u remember that
day u saved me frm lion.
Pakistani:ya i remember that and i also
remember u run off like a coward and start farting.
Hahahaha,,indians r fear nation.

mere paas 3 rupees he.

punjabi:mere paas 3 rupees he.
Pathan:ek muje de,ek apne liye rak
Punjabi:aur is ek ka kaya karu?
Pathan:gas chorhnay k baad is se apna pitchwarha saaf kar.
Punjabi shocked
Pathan rocks.

Yar Kal Meine Kitni Baar

Sardars Friend: Yar Kal Meine Kitni Baar
Call Kiya, Uthaya Q Nahi?
Sardar: Q Uthau, 30 Rs.De K Jo Gana
Lagwaya Hai Woh Kya Tera Bap Sunega..

Cute MOM.....

Cute MOM.....
Son - Mom, who is a girlfriend .....?
MOM - When u grow up and become a good boy you'll also get a one......
Son - If i don't become a good boy.....?
MOM - Then you'll get a many....:)@~~pinklesh~

Jaan mujay aise propose karo jaise kisi ne

Girlfriend : Jaan mujay aise propose karo jaise kisi ne na kiya ho…
Boyfrirend : Kamini I love you,
Muj se shadi kar k meri zindagi tabah kar de zaleelaurat….;

kisi ne SMS kia

‎1 Pathan kibeti ko kisi ne SMS kia
I LOVE YOU
Pathan ghuse ma beti se kehta hy:
jis ne sms kia hy usay ma dekh lu ga filhal tm uska sms usay wapis bhejo... ;-> by Umair Ahmad

tum mujh se shadi karogi?

Boy~tum mujh se shadi karogi??
Girl~nahi.
Boy~lekin Q?
Girl~mere ghar wale nahi manenge.
Boy~ghar main kon kon hai
Girl~1 husband aur 3 bacche.

You must be kidding.

Boy: My Father's name is laughing and my mother name is smiling.
Girl: You must be kidding...
Boy: No, that's my brotherI am joking..

Main toh subha 9 baje tak sota hoon!

Habildar: Tumhe kal subah 6 baje pe phansi di jayegi.
Liton: Ha ha ha!
Habildar: Kyu hass rahe ho?
Liton: Main toh subha 9 baje tak sota hoon!

Mai Apki Maa-Behn 1 Krdungi

Wife: TuSi udaas Q ho?
Snta: Aj meri Maa oR Behn Alag-Alag hogyi!
Wife: Koi Gal Nai Ji
Ab Mai Aa Gyi Hu Na!
Mai Apki Maa-Behn 1 Krdungi..

READ MORE » Mai Apki Maa-Behn 1 Krdungi

"Vibration" pe lagi huwi

Pathan ki wife Marleria se kaanp rhi thi.
Doctor: Kia huwa hai isey?
Pathan: Beemari ka to pata nai bus
subha se "Vibration" pe lagi huwi hy

UFF + UFF

Girl: Is Dress Ki Price Kya Hai?
.Salesman: Rs 1500
.Girl: UFF..
Aur Us Pink Wale Ka?
Salesman : UFF + UFF

how many planets r there

Teacher 2 Student :- how many planets r there...????
Student :- mars ,venus ,jupiter .
Teacher:- aur sunao......?????
Student :- buss fit...ap sunao! :))))

Who invented Steam Engine?

Teacher to Sleepy student:
Who invented Steam Engine?
Student:What sir?
Teacher:Yes its correct.
JAMES WATT.
Moral: Sleeping improves your General Knowledge.

3 Admi Sharab P Kr

Santa 1 story

Teacher:Santa 1 story sunao wid moral
Santa:ok madam,,
Mei uske ghar gaya vo sow raha tha
Fir vo mere ghar aya toh main sow raha tha
Moral: Jaisi Karni Vaisi Bharn
FOR MORE LYK THIS PAGE PLXX

this is funny lol

this is funny lol
wife:chris.... wake up chris. i think i heard someone downstairs, go check it out for me.
husband:what!? why do i have to go and check?
wife:beacuse you're the man of the house and you always brag about how tough u r, now go prove it for god's sake!
husband: well im not going so you're going to have to do it youself
wife:think of the children !!!

husband: what a brilliant idea! which one should i send
LOL!@!@!

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